I know that there is no such thing as normal, and my life as a mom has been anything but normal, so today when I found myself having these strange feeling of being flawed… no not that… cheated is maybe the more relevant word. I read this post on one of my groups this morning
Yup, I’m that mom that has mom groups to help keep my sanity about how this ladies best friend just had her first baby by emergency c-section and what should she do for her because she knows that this is a whole different thing than a “normal” delivery. Another mom answered to walk her dog because she was miserable for the next 2-3 weeks. Here is where my strange feelings started. I had an emergency c-section with my youngest child, he was then diagnosed with a congenital heart defect and scheduled to be whisked away to a different hospital. Once I was out of recovery and in my room the nurse took pity on me and got me out of bed to take me to the NICU to see my baby boy who wasn’t even officially named yet, she tells me that in a normal case they don’t let c-sections get out of bed for at least 8 hours, I was at 2 hours post-op, but she wanted me to have a chance to see him before they took him off to Children’s. We didn’t even have a full diagnoses yet on what was wrong with him but we knew he had to go to Children’s. Once I left the hospital, with lots of promises to take care of myself and not push things, we met with the surgeon and planned the next day for our sons surgery. I spent the next two weeks at the hospital 16 hours a day… did I just not have time to feel miserable? Am I crazy for wanting my 2-3 miserable weeks? Neither of my children were “normal” in their birth experiences. Our eldest was early and spent 2 weeks in the NICU with breathing issues and jaundice. Ironically, they both started their lives in an oxygen bubble.
Jealous is maybe the even better word I’m looking for. I’m jealous of “normal” but not really because I am who I am, and my kids are who they are because of their unique stories. I wouldn’t change my “normal” for anything, I just have these crazy moments where I imagine what our lives would have been like if things had been different. I will never have “normal” but, isn’t “normal” so over rated?